UPBUILDING THE SELF

Blame: Our Addiction To It and What To Do Instead

Why do we blame even when we know it’s harmful? It’s a behavior so woven into our daily experience that most of us hardly notice it, let alone question it. In this episode, Michael and Hari Prasada unpack the inner workings of blame, exploring how it arises from the ego's desire to control and enjoy. They examine its seductive emotional appeal, the false sense of order it provides, and the ways it damages our relationships and cultures. With real-life examples and practical tools, they highlight how we can shift from reactive blame to conscious accountability.

Podcast Hosts: Michael and Hari Prasada

Listen to this episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your preferred podcast platform

Highlights

  • [02:30] Why this topic is so important

  • [04:20] The ego’s role in needing to control and be right

  • [06:30] When your partner forgets to buy bananas

  • [08:20] Accountability vs. blame

  • [11:20] "What am I not seeing?"

  • [14:30] The emotional payoff of blame

  • [23:10] How blame shapes broader social and organizational cultures

  • [26:30] The fear of being blamed and its self-fulfilling consequences

  • [27:30] Healthy alternative to blame

  • [33:00] How to constructively engage with your partner when they forget to buy bananas

Quotes

  • “The ego has to see: I am right. Somebody else is wrong.  I am good. And somebody else is bad relative to me.” - Hari Prasada

  • “We are so cemented in the mentality of blame that it's almost impossible to get away from it.” - Hari Prasada

  • “For a lot of people, [blame] is the water that we swim in – so much so that we don't even know …it's the water that's surrounding us.” - Michael Sloyer

  • “When you are going to lay blame, you have to do it in a particular consciousness. You can't just have carte blanche…that will sour everything. When there is legitimate blame, then we have to see…how do I approach this in the most beneficial, caring way possible? Accountability means care.” - Hari Prasada

  • “The medicine is becoming aware of the way we're blaming and the consequences of it.”- Hari Prasada

For first timers, welcome to Upbuilding the Self

About the podcast: Two former monks, a former startup founder and CEO, and a former equity derivatives trader dive into how to be our best selves, free from the ego. Our egos are the identities we create for ourselves and wish the world to validate, but when we are not seen as we want to be, we feel insecure. This podcast lives at the intersection of leadership and spirituality. It will help you understand your ego and shed light on your inner world so that you can act with greater clarity, compassion, and the freedom to be your best self.

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